I'm feeling twitchy right now. I can't explain it. It's not really anxiety -- I'm not worried or stressed about very much right now. I'm sad that one of my best friends is moving away from WI. I understand WHY she is going and I know that this is probably a very, very good move for her, but it still sucks. I'm just feeling lost in a lot of ways right now. Here are some of the biggest things to happen in my life in the past 2 months (or so)
1. One of my best friends was hospitalized because her kidney transplant (from 2 years ago?) failed and it was a very scary situation. I feel like there is more going on than I know (or need to know) and that's a really tough thing to watch someone go through.
2. I was screened for ADD/ADHD and from all the research I've done, it describes me. A light when on and I said, "Oh, I get it. That's me...that's me... yep, that's me too...." so I'm trying to learn more about what it means, figure out how to make adjustments to my daily life at home and at work so that I can continue to do my best for others without completely destroying my health or sanity in the process...
2b. My insurance company is moving at a SNAILS pace to approve further ADHD testing for me -- without the testing, there is no way for me to at least consider medication that might help my focus and short term memory retention. Which impacts item #2 and is starting to stress me out.
*On a happy note, I did find out more about why I feel physically exhausted throughout the day that is linked to ADD/ADHD...and I found some new things to try... so I AM trying... and that gives me hope for each new day. :)
3. My grandma died. She was 3 months shy of turning 98. I know what you're probably thinking... She was almost 98. You're 37. This shouldn't really be that big of a deal for you. Well, it is. She was my "step" grandma because my grandpa got remarried after my grandma P died in 1979. Since 1980, Grandma Barb has been part of my life. She's the only grandmother I've had since Grandma L died in 1990 and the only grandparent I've had at all since 1995 when grandpa P died. I had NO biological grandparents alive to witness my college graduation, my missionary trip to Guatemala, my seminary graduation, my wedding (even my grandma Barb didn't make it to town for that), the birth of my daughter... My grandma Barb loved getting letters and photos and would send nice cards and notes back to us. She loved yellow roses and one year for Mother's Day I sent her a bouquet of yellow roses to surprise her. She was feisty, smart, spunky. I have many good memories of fishing with her and my grandpa, playing "Skip Bo" at their house, watching football on Thanksgiving, family meals, etc. She was a wonderful cook who was up at the crack of dawn to get things prepared for meals. I just miss her. I didn't get to visit her very often once I became an adult but I just miss the fact that now I can't even SEND her photos of my daughter. The last thing we mailed to her was a homemade note from my 4 year old. She had taken a 1-800-Flowers catalog and (on her own) cut out some flowers and used a glue stick to put some on some white paper. I helped her spell out "Happy Easter" and then she wrote her name on both of them. We mailed one to Todd's grandma (who is almost 93) and sent the other to my grandma, along with the latest (4 year old) professional photos we had done in March. Some days it doesn't bother me as much to know that all my grandparents are in heaven, safe and sound and loved. Some days I miss them. All of them.
4. Well, my good friend moving from WI back to ID. She's been a good friend and could practically be a younger sister to me. She made moving back to WI from ID (where I only got to live for a year) suck LESS -- well, she and of course coming home to Todd! He was the BEST reason to move back! But the fact that she'd found a teaching job in WI, even 2.5 hours away from my house, was still good because I still got to see her and hang out with her. That was always fun. And I feel like now she GETS to go back to Idaho, gets to visit all our awesome/fun/terrific friends out there...and I'm stuck here. Nothing against my friends here in WI. I genuinely love you. I just miss my gang from out there a lot too. So now that 'link' is gone.
5. I'm not sleeping well. I haven't been for a long time, but it's getting worse. I feel like every time I go to the doctor, I've got something new to complain about. Not really complain, just report to him. He actually seemed almost "excited" that I am snoring loudly and waking myself up several times at night...because if it's sleep apnea, then there are possible treatments for that which could impact a lot of the other health questions that I have had lately. Oh joy. I guess it is something to be cautiously optimistic about, right? I think the lack of good sleep impacts not only mood, but energy level, eating habits -- everything. I'd like to get back to having more energy and feeling more "normal".
6. Usually I spend my whole summer planning out things for the next school year, getting some lesson plans/units planned out, etc. This summer I'm just feeling stuck. A little overwhelmed. This past year has been one of the most unusual for me. When I worked at St. P's, I had the 2 hours in the car everyday, rain/blizzard/sunshine, to listen to audio books, or music, or comedy, and have some 'alone time' (as strange as that sounds). It was a little TOO far and sometimes a little TOO stressful to do all that driving, but I loved my job, the people I worked with, the kids, everything. And even if I didn't feel like every subject that I had to teach was my "best", I learned and grew a lot in the process and genuinely felt like I did a good job. When I moved to ID, I was bursting with new ideas. Some which I could implement, some which were shot down...but I loved that job. I loved the paperwork/phone call/meetings part of being a principal. I loved the interaction with the staff (most of them... even the 'difficult' people still taught me a lot!). I loved teaching for part of the day. I loved the location. To give that up was really difficult but I didn't have a choice -- my husband was here and there was a job in a local Lutheran school here, so there was nothing to debate. The schedule at CLS was incredible my first year. Teaching the subjects I loved most -- religion, social studies, and reading! And technology, which is always interesting and fun. I actually had prep time of 30 mins/day! Once a week, I had an HOUR of prep time! I felt like I could keep up with things and life was pretty good. Well, there were other issues but I liked the new schedule. I didn't know how the could afford to give us the prep time... and it turns out, they couldn't afford it. After everything that happened last summer (I won't relive it here) and being thankful just to HAVE a job this year... I worked my butt off this year to keep up with everything. And I know that most of the other people on staff did too. For the first time in my career, though, so much of the structural part of the school's operations is not in place and it's exhausting as we keep teaching without a lot of that in place. We do the best we can and I think we're doing a great job... I'm just impatient.
Well, writing this out has felt helpful. It doesn't really matter to me if other people read it or not. If you do, I hope there is at least some little part of it that connects with you and makes you feel as if you're not the "only" one dealing with that issue.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas Magic
This Christmas might just be my favorite. Katie is 3.75 years old and this seems like just the perfect age. She asked Santa for a few simple things -- a Dora guitar (which she really had her heart set on), a Barbie doll, and a game. Some of these items, like the Barbie and game, were at the subtle encouragement of mom and dad since we'd already purchased a 7-pack "Disney Princesses" Barbies at Target for 50% off and we'd picked up Candyland and Mickey Mouse Yahtzee Jr. when they were on sale at Target too. We picked up the Fisher Price Little People Nativity set at Target too. I wanted to give it to her before Christmas but she ended up playing with my Nativity set (a wedding gift from Jon & Sue Schultz) and since those figurines are not breakable, it was fine.
Last night, on Christmas Eve, we checked her stocking and found that Santa's elves left her a whole bunch of goodies -- "Nemo" Pez dispenser, Tigger toothbrush, Princess toothpaste, Dumbo book, Ernie activity pad, socks, etc. She was so thrilled with all these "treasures". We left a big mug of Milk and two plates with notes -- cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. (Thanks to my bff Jodie for providing the treats!) Katie was so tired that she fell asleep before we got half-way through the "Dumbo" book.
Katie woke up around 7:00 a.m., which is sleeping in for her. She was cooperative for getting dressed (which usually doesn't happen when it's me getting her dressed) and she was so excited, but cautious, about whether or not Santa left any presents at our house.
The first thing that she saw under the tree was a huge package wrapped in Disney Princess paper. Her eyes grew SO wide when she realized that there were SEVEN Barbie dolls, that they were all Princesses AND that it included Rapunzel! (She & I had gone to see "Tangled" on Thursday. So glad we went, she was absolutely THRILLED about that Barbie doll!)
She opened her Dora guitar, which was very exciting -- until she realized that you can't actually "play" the guitar. Dora sings songs or it just strums so music. I think she was totally disappointed in the gift, but I think the more she plays around with it, the more she'll love it. We could've bought a "real" guitar for about $7 more than the Dora guitar... so maybe we'll think about that for her birthday!
Katie knew what Candyland was; she was also excited about the Micky Mouse version of Yahtzee Jr. We've already played 4 times and she beat me 3 games to 1! We also played Candyland. I think we'll be playing a lot of fun games in our future. :)
She opened the Christmas nativity set last. It was very fun to see how excited she was about her OWN Nativity set. Now she doesn't have to share with mom.
This is my favorite Christmas because everything under the tree was what she asked for...and so much more. She knew what she'd asked for but had no idea that a "Barbie doll" would be SEVEN Princess ones! She had no idea she would get her own Nativity set.
God promised a Savior for all Nations. Jesus is everything we could ever ask for...and so much more. Just when you think you've read the entire New Testament and things have already been covered, re-reading verses are new and fresh again. Perhaps that's why we know God's word is living and active -- it is never 'outdated' or inapplicable to our lives. The gift to ourselves is to remember the thrilling Christmas 'magic' of wonder, love, and appreciation for God's gift of Jesus, each and every day.
Blessings to everyone. - Tanya
Last night, on Christmas Eve, we checked her stocking and found that Santa's elves left her a whole bunch of goodies -- "Nemo" Pez dispenser, Tigger toothbrush, Princess toothpaste, Dumbo book, Ernie activity pad, socks, etc. She was so thrilled with all these "treasures". We left a big mug of Milk and two plates with notes -- cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. (Thanks to my bff Jodie for providing the treats!) Katie was so tired that she fell asleep before we got half-way through the "Dumbo" book.
Katie woke up around 7:00 a.m., which is sleeping in for her. She was cooperative for getting dressed (which usually doesn't happen when it's me getting her dressed) and she was so excited, but cautious, about whether or not Santa left any presents at our house.
The first thing that she saw under the tree was a huge package wrapped in Disney Princess paper. Her eyes grew SO wide when she realized that there were SEVEN Barbie dolls, that they were all Princesses AND that it included Rapunzel! (She & I had gone to see "Tangled" on Thursday. So glad we went, she was absolutely THRILLED about that Barbie doll!)
She opened her Dora guitar, which was very exciting -- until she realized that you can't actually "play" the guitar. Dora sings songs or it just strums so music. I think she was totally disappointed in the gift, but I think the more she plays around with it, the more she'll love it. We could've bought a "real" guitar for about $7 more than the Dora guitar... so maybe we'll think about that for her birthday!
Katie knew what Candyland was; she was also excited about the Micky Mouse version of Yahtzee Jr. We've already played 4 times and she beat me 3 games to 1! We also played Candyland. I think we'll be playing a lot of fun games in our future. :)
She opened the Christmas nativity set last. It was very fun to see how excited she was about her OWN Nativity set. Now she doesn't have to share with mom.
This is my favorite Christmas because everything under the tree was what she asked for...and so much more. She knew what she'd asked for but had no idea that a "Barbie doll" would be SEVEN Princess ones! She had no idea she would get her own Nativity set.
God promised a Savior for all Nations. Jesus is everything we could ever ask for...and so much more. Just when you think you've read the entire New Testament and things have already been covered, re-reading verses are new and fresh again. Perhaps that's why we know God's word is living and active -- it is never 'outdated' or inapplicable to our lives. The gift to ourselves is to remember the thrilling Christmas 'magic' of wonder, love, and appreciation for God's gift of Jesus, each and every day.
Blessings to everyone. - Tanya
Friday, December 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Connecting the dots
I don't know about anyone else, but being 36 has been great so far. Honestly. Far better than I could've imagined. Do you know why? Because I finally feel like all the 'dots' are connecting. All the random things that I learned about in school since, well, about 1980 are fitting together like one big puzzle. It is actually really encouraging to feel that "A-ha!" moment when you realize something for the first time and it all makes sense now. Randomness isn't gone but it isn't the 'norm' anymore either. The song that kept going through my mind this a.m. as I was in the shower was, "I wish I knew now what I knew then, when I was older..." I thought about daily growing YOUNGER instead of older. The new wrinkles, small patches on gray hair at my temples, even the small aches and pains that weren't there before assure me that I AM getting older. However, I'd like to think I can keep a young attitude and spirit. Maybe the biggest blessing was having my first child when I was 33. Seemed so old but honestly it is keeping me young, I think. :)
Mardi Gras
Today is Mardi Gras. It is making me think of Pastor Bat. I really miss him. His funeral was a week or two ago. Before the Super Bowl. He was from New Orleans and it was so neat to see all the photos from when he was growing up. I had a feeling that the Saints might win the Super Bowl and that would've just delighted him (if he even cared about football).
I also think of him because I'd never heard of a "King's Cake" until I'd met him and Christa. What a neat tradition. If I'd been thinking about it earlier, I would've baked one and brought it to school. I'm always disappointed when I miss those types of opportunities. Then again, I have to remember that God could be giving me another chance in the future.
Tomorrow starts Lent. This year, especially, it feels like Christmas just barely ended. I want to sit here and ponder the baby Jesus. To smell the hay (and other odors) of the stable. To think of Mary holding her tiny baby and treasuring up all these things in her heart. To think of Simeon and of Anna, waiting their whole lives to see the promise of a savior fulfilled. To think of hope, courage, love. To ponder how much God loved the world to enter flesh and walk, talk, sleep, eat.
I'm not ready to journey to the cross. Ironically, during Christmas vacation, I read Paul Maier's book Pontius Pilate and fell in love with it. The amazing historical and cultural insights I gained. It was as if I was looking upon God's plan and timeline with fresh eyes. Now that the time to teach this has come (at least for my 8th graders), I want to sit and rock a baby. Then again, when I started to teach about Pontius Pilate and the Passion of Jesus, I felt joy I'd never known before in teaching. I felt so filled with enthusiasm and life.
Ash Wednesday starts my own journey as well. I have set a goal of doing the T-Tapp workout during Lent. I'm so bad about being faithful to that workout, even though I know it works. I did so well with Wii Fit and then once I unlocked Advanced or Expert on the majority of the games, the interest leveled off. Sad, I know, but true. So I need to get some sleep so I have energy to do the T-Tapp workout. And then to really focus on the sacrifices that Jesus made for all of us. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes it's thrilling. Sometimes it just is.
I also think of him because I'd never heard of a "King's Cake" until I'd met him and Christa. What a neat tradition. If I'd been thinking about it earlier, I would've baked one and brought it to school. I'm always disappointed when I miss those types of opportunities. Then again, I have to remember that God could be giving me another chance in the future.
Tomorrow starts Lent. This year, especially, it feels like Christmas just barely ended. I want to sit here and ponder the baby Jesus. To smell the hay (and other odors) of the stable. To think of Mary holding her tiny baby and treasuring up all these things in her heart. To think of Simeon and of Anna, waiting their whole lives to see the promise of a savior fulfilled. To think of hope, courage, love. To ponder how much God loved the world to enter flesh and walk, talk, sleep, eat.
I'm not ready to journey to the cross. Ironically, during Christmas vacation, I read Paul Maier's book Pontius Pilate and fell in love with it. The amazing historical and cultural insights I gained. It was as if I was looking upon God's plan and timeline with fresh eyes. Now that the time to teach this has come (at least for my 8th graders), I want to sit and rock a baby. Then again, when I started to teach about Pontius Pilate and the Passion of Jesus, I felt joy I'd never known before in teaching. I felt so filled with enthusiasm and life.
Ash Wednesday starts my own journey as well. I have set a goal of doing the T-Tapp workout during Lent. I'm so bad about being faithful to that workout, even though I know it works. I did so well with Wii Fit and then once I unlocked Advanced or Expert on the majority of the games, the interest leveled off. Sad, I know, but true. So I need to get some sleep so I have energy to do the T-Tapp workout. And then to really focus on the sacrifices that Jesus made for all of us. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes it's thrilling. Sometimes it just is.
I should be sleeping, but...
I should be sleeping, but...
There's always something else to do, right? I spend the majority of my day on my feet, on the move, NOT in front of a computer... I spend my days talking, presenting, entertaining, guiding, parenting, helping, checking, admonishing... for ME, when I get home, the computer is a nice escape. Connect with other adults. Leave behind the stresses and frustrations of the day. Share the joys and laughter of the day. It is something I really look forward to.
For my husband, he works with computers almost every day. The thrill is gone. The last thing he really wants to do when he gets home is be on the computer. If he is on the computer, it is most likely to look up something to do with sports. I'm OK with that.
I should be sleeping but I don't want to. I want to write. I want to read. I want to think. I want to justrelax. I don't want to sleep. That's what the weekend is for, right? I love weekend naps. My husband never, ever naps. So weekends he isn't up late. It seems so opposite and crazy, but I guess that's how we make it work.
There's always something else to do, right? I spend the majority of my day on my feet, on the move, NOT in front of a computer... I spend my days talking, presenting, entertaining, guiding, parenting, helping, checking, admonishing... for ME, when I get home, the computer is a nice escape. Connect with other adults. Leave behind the stresses and frustrations of the day. Share the joys and laughter of the day. It is something I really look forward to.
For my husband, he works with computers almost every day. The thrill is gone. The last thing he really wants to do when he gets home is be on the computer. If he is on the computer, it is most likely to look up something to do with sports. I'm OK with that.
I should be sleeping but I don't want to. I want to write. I want to read. I want to think. I want to justrelax. I don't want to sleep. That's what the weekend is for, right? I love weekend naps. My husband never, ever naps. So weekends he isn't up late. It seems so opposite and crazy, but I guess that's how we make it work.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Best Sugar Cookies and Frosting -- ever.
If you didn't hear, my first attempt at making Sugar Cookies from scratch this Christmas season did NOT go well. I used the recipe from Better Homes and Garden cookbook. I'd never tried that recipe before and I should've known I'd have problems right from the start. It called for equal parts shortening and butter. We had two (opened) cans of Crisco -- both of which were disgusting and apparently "expired" about 3 years ago. I don't think I'll ever forget the sight/smell. Ewwww. I thought I would double the recipe and apparently when you double it, there isn't enough sugar... because they honestly tasted like (what I imagine) baked play-doh would be like. Ick.
So I turned to my most reliable source for anything related to baking: My friend Beth. She is amazingly talented so I knew she's have a great recipe for me. She uses a Betty Crocker recipe. As it turns out (from talking to my mom today) this is also the one that my mom used while we were growing, with a few modifications. Learning from past mistakes, I decided that if I wanted more than one batch of dough, I would make one batch right after the first one instead of trying to double the recipe.
Here is the original recipe, as passed along from Beth (this is what I used):
Cream Together: 1 & 1/2 c. powdered sugar and 1 c. butter
Stir in 1 egg, 1/2 t. vanilla extract and 1/2 t. almond extract
In a separate bowl, blend 2 & 1/2 c. flour, 1 t. baking soda and 1 t. cream of tartar (OR, if you don't have the cream of tartar, use 2 t. baking powder instead of the soda/tartar combination).
Stir flour mixture into the sugar mixture.
Chill 2-3 hours or overnight. (I kept mine in the fridge for about 2-3 days because I got busy and didn't have to roll/bake them right away.)
Roll out to 3/16 inch thick. Place on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake in 375F oven for 7-8 minutes or until edges are lightly browned.
For my mom's variation, she uses 1/2 c. butter and 1/2 c. cream cheese. She uses 1 t. vanilla and no almond extract.
OK, no one wants to eat cut out sugar cookies plain, right?
I didn't want to make a powdered sugar icing because, well, that's not what I grew up with for sugar cut out cookies. I talked to my mom and she said she used buttercream frosting. Could this recipe be any easier? Honestly, why would I ever buy a can of frosting again??
16 oz. Powdered Sugar
1 stick of Butter
3 T. milk (add one at a time as it's mixing so the consistency is right)
2 t. vanilla
This makes about 2 & 1/2 cups of frosting. Wow, it was good. I couldn't find where I'd put the food coloring, so I saved some white frosting and I mixed some green colored decorated sugar into the rest of the frosting. I made cut out of bells and trees so the bells are white and the trees are "snowy" white/green. :)
These recipes were delicious, simple and well, obviously, fool-proof since I made them with great success. I gave K a bite of a cookie when they cooled and within 10 seconds, she came running into the kitchen saying, "I need nother cookie, mama!" Excellent.
So I turned to my most reliable source for anything related to baking: My friend Beth. She is amazingly talented so I knew she's have a great recipe for me. She uses a Betty Crocker recipe. As it turns out (from talking to my mom today) this is also the one that my mom used while we were growing, with a few modifications. Learning from past mistakes, I decided that if I wanted more than one batch of dough, I would make one batch right after the first one instead of trying to double the recipe.
Here is the original recipe, as passed along from Beth (this is what I used):
Cream Together: 1 & 1/2 c. powdered sugar and 1 c. butter
Stir in 1 egg, 1/2 t. vanilla extract and 1/2 t. almond extract
In a separate bowl, blend 2 & 1/2 c. flour, 1 t. baking soda and 1 t. cream of tartar (OR, if you don't have the cream of tartar, use 2 t. baking powder instead of the soda/tartar combination).
Stir flour mixture into the sugar mixture.
Chill 2-3 hours or overnight. (I kept mine in the fridge for about 2-3 days because I got busy and didn't have to roll/bake them right away.)
Roll out to 3/16 inch thick. Place on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake in 375F oven for 7-8 minutes or until edges are lightly browned.
For my mom's variation, she uses 1/2 c. butter and 1/2 c. cream cheese. She uses 1 t. vanilla and no almond extract.
OK, no one wants to eat cut out sugar cookies plain, right?
I didn't want to make a powdered sugar icing because, well, that's not what I grew up with for sugar cut out cookies. I talked to my mom and she said she used buttercream frosting. Could this recipe be any easier? Honestly, why would I ever buy a can of frosting again??
16 oz. Powdered Sugar
1 stick of Butter
3 T. milk (add one at a time as it's mixing so the consistency is right)
2 t. vanilla
This makes about 2 & 1/2 cups of frosting. Wow, it was good. I couldn't find where I'd put the food coloring, so I saved some white frosting and I mixed some green colored decorated sugar into the rest of the frosting. I made cut out of bells and trees so the bells are white and the trees are "snowy" white/green. :)
These recipes were delicious, simple and well, obviously, fool-proof since I made them with great success. I gave K a bite of a cookie when they cooled and within 10 seconds, she came running into the kitchen saying, "I need nother cookie, mama!" Excellent.
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