"It's not enough to say"

This is from a post that my friend, Audrey Duensing-Werner (a DCE in Kansas that I worked with at Cross View in MN) posted on Facebook:

"It is not enough for us to say: "I love God," but I also have to love my neighbor. St. John says that you are a liar if you say you love God and you don't love your neighbor. How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so it is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise, there is not true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me." Mother Theresa

Here is my reply and honest insight. I think this was a very timely post by Audrey as I struggle to love those around me who seem to serve, at this time anyway, to be nothing but a 'speedbump' on the road to change here.

"It's easy to "love your neighbor" -- at least the ones that you like and see eye-to-eye with; the true challenge is to work on loving the ones that you don't like, that are rude or disrespectful or disagreeable...(Did I just sum up jr and sr high youth group??)

Somehow if we assume that they are not a Christian then it gives a "good reason" to them for being that way -- they don't "know" better... but the biggest challenge is to love the neighbor that you know confesses to be a Christian and yet is so difficult to LIKE.

And when we fail, as we always do, we rest is grace alone. And we pray for another chance tomorrow to try and be Christ-like in our love for that person."

The truth hurts

One of the hardest parts of my job is doing evaluations. Not that I can't find the good (and the bad) in each staff person at my school. They just have rarely had evaluations done in the past. The former principal was there for a year or more before doing evaluations. At that point, they were done every 3 or 4 years, I think and so the staff isn't used to being critiqued and told what they're doing well and what they need to change.

I always hated being evaluated, I'll admit it. Many times my evaluations were fine but sometimes they were so nit-picky that I thought, "Am I doing ANYTHING right?" I didn't want to just tell the staff that everything is sunshine-and-roses but I didn't want to nit-pick every single thing, either.

I tried to find a good balance of things that they're doing well and also some of the things that they need to change. I always think it's best to set some goals of new things that you want to do next year and things that you'd like to change. The problem is, the truth hurts. Sometimes people are so used to making their own decisions and doing their own thing that when we tell them they need to make changes, they get angry and resentful. I already was on the receiving end of that earlier this week. It hurt my feelings to have someone lash out at me for being (brutally) honest and doing my job. In the end, that person will not be returning so none of the suggestions and changes for next year mean anything at this point.

At what point do you decide to stop being honest, especially if it's brutal, to just crush someone's ego a little less?

I feel like I had to compromise my professional ethics in some way to give a rosier-than-realistic picture so that they can leave on happy terms.

I know that ministry is not like life in the 'real world' of business management. Even so, it doesn't make it any easier when someone who should be a brother or sister in Christ acts decidedly un-Christlike.

I am hoping and praying that our enrollment numbers are enough for me to come back to work here next year. We need the chance to chart a new course, with a smaller staff, and really repair years of decline and neglect (in terms of administrative duties) at the school. I know that God can and DOES do amazing miracles every.single.day so I keep that in my heart.

I was in a mild panic to think that our numbers for re-enrollment were so much below last year's enrollment numbers... but then I received a comparison and we're only about 7 students short at this point. It seems like a lot now but it gives me renewed hope that we can get to that level and, I pray, about 10 more so that there is no question that we can afford to open the doors to the school next year.

I invite anyone who is reading this to pray for Hope Lutheran school. We need a miracle and I know only one place to get it -- from God above!

Some answers...

I went to my doctor on Wednesday because on Good Friday I had done an "insulin resistance test" (similar to what most pregnant women have to do to make sure you don't have gestational diabetes). My results came back normal for fasting, 30 mins, 60 mins and 90 mins. Then my insulin really spiked at 120 mins. So what does that mean? I'm not diabetic and not even 'pre-diabetic'. I'm considered insulin resistant, stage 1, so if nothing changed in the next 3-5 years, I could become diabetic. Fortunately, there is medication that I can start and this is considered 'reversible'. My dr believes that I'm genetically predisposed to this (my dad is diabetic) and that I have something called Metabolic Syndrome or Syndrome X (high blood pressure, high cholesterol and insulin resistance) of which all of it is reversible with medication, exercise (which I'd started doing more of) and adding more protein to my diet. He also suggested anti-anxiety medication because I've been so busy with school/work and taking care of my daughter by myself while we still wait for our house in WI to sell so Todd can join us out here. My mind has been going non-stop and it's been difficult for me to sleep at night. Little sleep + busy toddler + stressful job = lots of anxiety and little energy. So far the medication has helped me fall asleep faster and sleep better. Not a sleeping pill, just something that relaxes me and helps me feel more calm. Excellent! I haven't started the medication for insulin resistance yet but I have started more protein to my diet and it really seems to be helping. :)

I just want to encourage everyone who has questions or concerns about their energy levels, sleeping, eating to see their dr. Talk to him/her about it regularly. I tried to tell my dr in Wisconsin that I was exhausted, that I didn't sleep well, etc. He knew I had problems with my blood pressure and cholesterol, knew I had a high stress job and a child but never suggested the insulin test or put me on medication for anxiety. So after a year or so of really feeling like something was wrong and needing some options (I did a plan to change my diet and increase my energy and ability to workout in October but with mixed results). So I'm hoping that I can make some life-long changes one step at a time and these will have lasting results. I'm very encouraged with having some answers and some options with medication to help with the changes.