I'm feeling twitchy...

I'm feeling twitchy right now. I can't explain it. It's not really anxiety -- I'm not worried or stressed about very much right now. I'm sad that one of my best friends is moving away from WI. I understand WHY she is going and I know that this is probably a very, very good move for her, but it still sucks. I'm just feeling lost in a lot of ways right now. Here are some of the biggest things to happen in my life in the past 2 months (or so)

1. One of my best friends was hospitalized because her kidney transplant (from 2 years ago?) failed and it was a very scary situation. I feel like there is more going on than I know (or need to know) and that's a really tough thing to watch someone go through.
2. I was screened for ADD/ADHD and from all the research I've done, it describes me. A light when on and I said, "Oh, I get it. That's me...that's me... yep, that's me too...." so I'm trying to learn more about what it means, figure out how to make adjustments to my daily life at home and at work so that I can continue to do my best for others without completely destroying my health or sanity in the process...
2b. My insurance company is moving at a SNAILS pace to approve further ADHD testing for me -- without the testing, there is no way for me to at least consider medication that might help my focus and short term memory retention. Which impacts item #2 and is starting to stress me out.
*On a happy note, I did find out more about why I feel physically exhausted throughout the day that is linked to ADD/ADHD...and I found some new things to try... so I AM trying... and that gives me hope for each new day. :)
3. My grandma died. She was 3 months shy of turning 98. I know what you're probably thinking... She was almost 98. You're 37. This shouldn't really be that big of a deal for you. Well, it is. She was my "step" grandma because my grandpa got remarried after my grandma P died in 1979. Since 1980, Grandma Barb has been part of my life. She's the only grandmother I've had since Grandma L died in 1990 and the only grandparent I've had at all since 1995 when grandpa P died. I had NO biological grandparents alive to witness my college graduation, my missionary trip to Guatemala, my seminary graduation, my wedding (even my grandma Barb didn't make it to town for that), the birth of my daughter... My grandma Barb loved getting letters and photos and would send nice cards and notes back to us. She loved yellow roses and one year for Mother's Day I sent her a bouquet of yellow roses to surprise her. She was feisty, smart, spunky. I have many good memories of fishing with her and my grandpa, playing "Skip Bo" at their house, watching football on Thanksgiving, family meals, etc. She was a wonderful cook who was up at the crack of dawn to get things prepared for meals. I just miss her. I didn't get to visit her very often once I became an adult but I just miss the fact that now I can't even SEND her photos of my daughter. The last thing we mailed to her was a homemade note from my 4 year old. She had taken a 1-800-Flowers catalog and (on her own) cut out some flowers and used a glue stick to put some on some white paper. I helped her spell out "Happy Easter" and then she wrote her name on both of them. We mailed one to Todd's grandma (who is almost 93) and sent the other to my grandma, along with the latest (4 year old) professional photos we had done in March. Some days it doesn't bother me as much to know that all my grandparents are in heaven, safe and sound and loved. Some days I miss them. All of them.
4. Well, my good friend moving from WI back to ID. She's been a good friend and could practically be a younger sister to me. She made moving back to WI from ID (where I only got to live for a year) suck LESS -- well, she and of course coming home to Todd! He was the BEST reason to move back! But the fact that she'd found a teaching job in WI, even 2.5 hours away from my house, was still good because I still got to see her and hang out with her. That was always fun. And I feel like now she GETS to go back to Idaho, gets to visit all our awesome/fun/terrific friends out there...and I'm stuck here. Nothing against my friends here in WI. I genuinely love you. I just miss my gang from out there a lot too. So now that 'link' is gone.
5. I'm not sleeping well. I haven't been for a long time, but it's getting worse. I feel like every time I go to the doctor, I've got something new to complain about. Not really complain, just report to him. He actually seemed almost "excited" that I am snoring loudly and waking myself up several times at night...because if it's sleep apnea, then there are possible treatments for that which could impact a lot of the other health questions that I have had lately. Oh joy. I guess it is something to be cautiously optimistic about, right? I think the lack of good sleep impacts not only mood, but energy level, eating habits -- everything. I'd like to get back to having more energy and feeling more "normal".
6. Usually I spend my whole summer planning out things for the next school year, getting some lesson plans/units planned out, etc. This summer I'm just feeling stuck. A little overwhelmed. This past year has been one of the most unusual for me. When I worked at St. P's, I had the 2 hours in the car everyday, rain/blizzard/sunshine, to listen to audio books, or music, or comedy, and have some 'alone time' (as strange as that sounds). It was a little TOO far and sometimes a little TOO stressful to do all that driving, but I loved my job, the people I worked with, the kids, everything. And even if I didn't feel like every subject that I had to teach was my "best", I learned and grew a lot in the process and genuinely felt like I did a good job. When I moved to ID, I was bursting with new ideas. Some which I could implement, some which were shot down...but I loved that job. I loved the paperwork/phone call/meetings part of being a principal. I loved the interaction with the staff (most of them... even the 'difficult' people still taught me a lot!). I loved teaching for part of the day. I loved the location. To give that up was really difficult but I didn't have a choice -- my husband was here and there was a job in a local Lutheran school here, so there was nothing to debate. The schedule at CLS was incredible my first year. Teaching the subjects I loved most -- religion, social studies, and reading! And technology, which is always interesting and fun. I actually had prep time of 30 mins/day! Once a week, I had an HOUR of prep time! I felt like I could keep up with things and life was pretty good. Well, there were other issues but I liked the new schedule. I didn't know how the could afford to give us the prep time... and it turns out, they couldn't afford it. After everything that happened last summer (I won't relive it here) and being thankful just to HAVE a job this year... I worked my butt off this year to keep up with everything. And I know that most of the other people on staff did too. For the first time in my career, though, so much of the structural part of the school's operations is not in place and it's exhausting as we keep teaching without a lot of that in place. We do the best we can and I think we're doing a great job... I'm just impatient.

Well, writing this out has felt helpful. It doesn't really matter to me if other people read it or not. If you do, I hope there is at least some little part of it that connects with you and makes you feel as if you're not the "only" one dealing with that issue.

Christmas Magic

This Christmas might just be my favorite. Katie is 3.75 years old and this seems like just the perfect age. She asked Santa for a few simple things -- a Dora guitar (which she really had her heart set on), a Barbie doll, and a game. Some of these items, like the Barbie and game, were at the subtle encouragement of mom and dad since we'd already purchased a 7-pack "Disney Princesses" Barbies at Target for 50% off and we'd picked up Candyland and Mickey Mouse Yahtzee Jr. when they were on sale at Target too. We picked up the Fisher Price Little People Nativity set at Target too. I wanted to give it to her before Christmas but she ended up playing with my Nativity set (a wedding gift from Jon & Sue Schultz) and since those figurines are not breakable, it was fine.

Last night, on Christmas Eve, we checked her stocking and found that Santa's elves left her a whole bunch of goodies -- "Nemo" Pez dispenser, Tigger toothbrush, Princess toothpaste, Dumbo book, Ernie activity pad, socks, etc. She was so thrilled with all these "treasures". We left a big mug of Milk and two plates with notes -- cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. (Thanks to my bff Jodie for providing the treats!) Katie was so tired that she fell asleep before we got half-way through the "Dumbo" book.

Katie woke up around 7:00 a.m., which is sleeping in for her. She was cooperative for getting dressed (which usually doesn't happen when it's me getting her dressed) and she was so excited, but cautious, about whether or not Santa left any presents at our house.

The first thing that she saw under the tree was a huge package wrapped in Disney Princess paper. Her eyes grew SO wide when she realized that there were SEVEN Barbie dolls, that they were all Princesses AND that it included Rapunzel! (She & I had gone to see "Tangled" on Thursday. So glad we went, she was absolutely THRILLED about that Barbie doll!)

She opened her Dora guitar, which was very exciting -- until she realized that you can't actually "play" the guitar. Dora sings songs or it just strums so music. I think she was totally disappointed in the gift, but I think the more she plays around with it, the more she'll love it. We could've bought a "real" guitar for about $7 more than the Dora guitar... so maybe we'll think about that for her birthday!

Katie knew what Candyland was; she was also excited about the Micky Mouse version of Yahtzee Jr. We've already played 4 times and she beat me 3 games to 1! We also played Candyland. I think we'll be playing a lot of fun games in our future. :)

She opened the Christmas nativity set last. It was very fun to see how excited she was about her OWN Nativity set. Now she doesn't have to share with mom.

This is my favorite Christmas because everything under the tree was what she asked for...and so much more. She knew what she'd asked for but had no idea that a "Barbie doll" would be SEVEN Princess ones! She had no idea she would get her own Nativity set.

God promised a Savior for all Nations. Jesus is everything we could ever ask for...and so much more. Just when you think you've read the entire New Testament and things have already been covered, re-reading verses are new and fresh again. Perhaps that's why we know God's word is living and active -- it is never 'outdated' or inapplicable to our lives. The gift to ourselves is to remember the thrilling Christmas 'magic' of wonder, love, and appreciation for God's gift of Jesus, each and every day.

Blessings to everyone. - Tanya

Cousins Christmas 2010

Connecting the dots

I don't know about anyone else, but being 36 has been great so far. Honestly. Far better than I could've imagined. Do you know why? Because I finally feel like all the 'dots' are connecting. All the random things that I learned about in school since, well, about 1980 are fitting together like one big puzzle. It is actually really encouraging to feel that "A-ha!" moment when you realize something for the first time and it all makes sense now. Randomness isn't gone but it isn't the 'norm' anymore either. The song that kept going through my mind this a.m. as I was in the shower was, "I wish I knew now what I knew then, when I was older..." I thought about daily growing YOUNGER instead of older. The new wrinkles, small patches on gray hair at my temples, even the small aches and pains that weren't there before assure me that I AM getting older. However, I'd like to think I can keep a young attitude and spirit. Maybe the biggest blessing was having my first child when I was 33. Seemed so old but honestly it is keeping me young, I think. :)

Mardi Gras

Today is Mardi Gras. It is making me think of Pastor Bat. I really miss him. His funeral was a week or two ago. Before the Super Bowl. He was from New Orleans and it was so neat to see all the photos from when he was growing up. I had a feeling that the Saints might win the Super Bowl and that would've just delighted him (if he even cared about football).

I also think of him because I'd never heard of a "King's Cake" until I'd met him and Christa. What a neat tradition. If I'd been thinking about it earlier, I would've baked one and brought it to school. I'm always disappointed when I miss those types of opportunities. Then again, I have to remember that God could be giving me another chance in the future.

Tomorrow starts Lent. This year, especially, it feels like Christmas just barely ended. I want to sit here and ponder the baby Jesus. To smell the hay (and other odors) of the stable. To think of Mary holding her tiny baby and treasuring up all these things in her heart. To think of Simeon and of Anna, waiting their whole lives to see the promise of a savior fulfilled. To think of hope, courage, love. To ponder how much God loved the world to enter flesh and walk, talk, sleep, eat.

I'm not ready to journey to the cross. Ironically, during Christmas vacation, I read Paul Maier's book Pontius Pilate and fell in love with it. The amazing historical and cultural insights I gained. It was as if I was looking upon God's plan and timeline with fresh eyes. Now that the time to teach this has come (at least for my 8th graders), I want to sit and rock a baby. Then again, when I started to teach about Pontius Pilate and the Passion of Jesus, I felt joy I'd never known before in teaching. I felt so filled with enthusiasm and life.

Ash Wednesday starts my own journey as well. I have set a goal of doing the T-Tapp workout during Lent. I'm so bad about being faithful to that workout, even though I know it works. I did so well with Wii Fit and then once I unlocked Advanced or Expert on the majority of the games, the interest leveled off. Sad, I know, but true. So I need to get some sleep so I have energy to do the T-Tapp workout. And then to really focus on the sacrifices that Jesus made for all of us. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes it's thrilling. Sometimes it just is.

I should be sleeping, but...

I should be sleeping, but...

There's always something else to do, right? I spend the majority of my day on my feet, on the move, NOT in front of a computer... I spend my days talking, presenting, entertaining, guiding, parenting, helping, checking, admonishing... for ME, when I get home, the computer is a nice escape. Connect with other adults. Leave behind the stresses and frustrations of the day. Share the joys and laughter of the day. It is something I really look forward to.

For my husband, he works with computers almost every day. The thrill is gone. The last thing he really wants to do when he gets home is be on the computer. If he is on the computer, it is most likely to look up something to do with sports. I'm OK with that.

I should be sleeping but I don't want to. I want to write. I want to read. I want to think. I want to justrelax. I don't want to sleep. That's what the weekend is for, right? I love weekend naps. My husband never, ever naps. So weekends he isn't up late. It seems so opposite and crazy, but I guess that's how we make it work.

Best Sugar Cookies and Frosting -- ever.

If you didn't hear, my first attempt at making Sugar Cookies from scratch this Christmas season did NOT go well. I used the recipe from Better Homes and Garden cookbook. I'd never tried that recipe before and I should've known I'd have problems right from the start. It called for equal parts shortening and butter. We had two (opened) cans of Crisco -- both of which were disgusting and apparently "expired" about 3 years ago. I don't think I'll ever forget the sight/smell. Ewwww. I thought I would double the recipe and apparently when you double it, there isn't enough sugar... because they honestly tasted like (what I imagine) baked play-doh would be like. Ick.

So I turned to my most reliable source for anything related to baking: My friend Beth. She is amazingly talented so I knew she's have a great recipe for me. She uses a Betty Crocker recipe. As it turns out (from talking to my mom today) this is also the one that my mom used while we were growing, with a few modifications. Learning from past mistakes, I decided that if I wanted more than one batch of dough, I would make one batch right after the first one instead of trying to double the recipe.

Here is the original recipe, as passed along from Beth (this is what I used):
Cream Together: 1 & 1/2 c. powdered sugar and 1 c. butter
Stir in 1 egg, 1/2 t. vanilla extract and 1/2 t. almond extract
In a separate bowl, blend 2 & 1/2 c. flour, 1 t. baking soda and 1 t. cream of tartar (OR, if you don't have the cream of tartar, use 2 t. baking powder instead of the soda/tartar combination).
Stir flour mixture into the sugar mixture.
Chill 2-3 hours or overnight. (I kept mine in the fridge for about 2-3 days because I got busy and didn't have to roll/bake them right away.)
Roll out to 3/16 inch thick. Place on lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake in 375F oven for 7-8 minutes or until edges are lightly browned.

For my mom's variation, she uses 1/2 c. butter and 1/2 c. cream cheese. She uses 1 t. vanilla and no almond extract.

OK, no one wants to eat cut out sugar cookies plain, right?

I didn't want to make a powdered sugar icing because, well, that's not what I grew up with for sugar cut out cookies. I talked to my mom and she said she used buttercream frosting. Could this recipe be any easier? Honestly, why would I ever buy a can of frosting again??

16 oz. Powdered Sugar
1 stick of Butter
3 T. milk (add one at a time as it's mixing so the consistency is right)
2 t. vanilla

This makes about 2 & 1/2 cups of frosting. Wow, it was good. I couldn't find where I'd put the food coloring, so I saved some white frosting and I mixed some green colored decorated sugar into the rest of the frosting. I made cut out of bells and trees so the bells are white and the trees are "snowy" white/green. :)

These recipes were delicious, simple and well, obviously, fool-proof since I made them with great success. I gave K a bite of a cookie when they cooled and within 10 seconds, she came running into the kitchen saying, "I need nother cookie, mama!" Excellent.

Christmases Past

I was just thinking about Christmases past...

1976 I remember getting an engraved angel necklace charm from my maternal grandparents. It's the only thing I clearly remember my grandma Elsie giving me. (She died in 1979).

1980 I remember getting a Barbie who was a ballerina -- she had a beautiful tutu and built in crown. I was thrilled.

1983 Cabbage Patch Kids came out and even though I was in 4th grade, my mom's coworker had connections to get a doll. It was a Christmas surprise because my parents didn't remember where they hid it and I didn't get to open it until we'd be done opening gifts for a while.

1988 I went ice skating with my brother and my cousin Sylvia at Running Park while my mom was working at Fairview Southdale. I slipped getting on to the ice and broke my wrist. As soon as mom got home, she had to turn around and wait 4 more hours in the ER with me. They called in my brother's bone doctor (from when he broke his leg) -- he was at Mass and had to leave. I felt so bad about that.

1996 I was living in Guatemala and we (the single female teachers) were invited over to a school family's house for supper at midnight. No lie. Midnight. It was SOOOO fun. I got to sit next to grandma. All she could say in English was, "I was born in Chicago." At dinner they served Mogen David (dessert) wine and grandma kept telling me, "Es muy sauve..." Ha ha ha... don't have to tell ME twice to drink that wine.

1998 I was living in St. Louis and didn't drive home to MN because I had to sing in the church choir on Christmas Day. One of my seminary professors asked what I was doing for Christmas and when I told him that I would be staying on campus (I lived in a small guest housing room at that point), he immediately invited me over to his home and said his wife would be thrilled to have another person at Christmas dinner. True to his word, they were both very gracious hosts and there were other Seminarians at their house as well. After a wonderful meal and wine, his wife played Christmas hymns on the piano and we all sang along.

2003 I had just started dating Todd. He was in NY visiting his parents (his grandma and aunt were there too). Heidi & I went to Cross View to deep clean the high chairs in the infant room and all the toddler room chairs that were caked on with old jello and all kinds of crud. It was just a nice, relaxing time.

2005 Todd & I were newlyweds. We had purchased a pre-lit artificial tree the day after Christmas the year before so it was very fun to decorate our home.

2007 Kathleen's first Christmas. She was 9 months old. She received a lot of books and accidentally slammed her thumb in a book. She cried a lot but was fine. :)

Wow, so many blessings throughout the years.

What's Cookin'? Christmas 2009

As you may know, my husband loves to cook. Loves it. He honestly missed his calling -- he could've, should've -- been a chef. Since weather is so unpredictable in December, it's understandable that people don't typically make the trip from the Twin Cities out to Appleton for Christmas here. We (Ok, *I*) decided that it would be nice to make a big Christmas meal at home. We invited some friends from our church to join us for Christmas Eve eve dinner (ie December 23) but it didn't work with their schedules. So at the last minute (like, yesterday) Todd suggested that we email our friends Jim & Monica to see if they were free. Jim is Todd's former roommate, he was in our wedding and we've been to their house just about every summer for a cookout. It was long overdue for us to have them over at our house.

In case you're stuck for ideas on something to new or different to cook, here is what we were cookin' up for Christmas meal this year...

1 Turkey breast (just under 8 lbs) -- 325F for 3 hours. 2 cans of Chicken Broth used to baste. It was covered with aluminum foil. The most MOIST Turkey I've ever had.

Refrigerated Mashed Potatoes - 5 lbs of red potatoes, peeled all of them except for about 4. Slice to 1/2 inch pieces. Boil in salted water until tender. Drain water. Add enough milk to mash. Place in greased baking dish. Cut 3 oz of Cream Cheese into 1/2 - 1 inch pieces. Mix into warm mashed potatoes. Add 1/2 cup of Sour Cream and mix through. Cut 2 T. of butter/marg into 4 pieces and place on top of potatoes. Sprinkle top with Paprika. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour if not longer (up to overnight). Bake for 30-40 minutes at 350F.

Sweet Potato casserole - 4 or 5 sweet potatoes, peeled and sliced into 1/2 inch slices. Place in greased 8 x 8 casserole pan. (I microwave them with some water for about 10 minutes). Add about 1-2 T. of Orange Juice concentrate. Sprinkle with 1-2 tsp Brown Sugar. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Remove and mashed as much as possible. Cover with mini marshmallows and allow time for them to melt on top (can place in warm oven for a while to help them melt if needed).

Stuffing - we used Sage stuffing from Stove Top. I didn't eat any of it but Jim and Monica loved it.

Orange-Cranberry Relish. This is so easy and one of my favorites. 1 orange (cut into 8 sections, keep the peel on). 1 bag of fresh cranberries. 3/4 cup of white sugar. Mini marshmallows. Using a meat grinder (I have the attachment for a Kitchen Aid mixer), place the orange sections through the grinder, followed by the cranberries. Mix in the sugar. Refrigerate and top with marshmallows just before serving.

Croissants - Pillsbury Croissants from a can. Easy but good treat.

Cran-Apple Pie Tart - Peel, core and slice 4-6 Granny Smith Apples. Place in bowl and add 1/2 c sugar, 1 & 1/2 T. flour, 1/2 t cinnamon, 3T lemon juice and orange zest for 1/2 a large orange (or 1 whole small orange -- I used the zest from part of the orange that I put in the orange-cranberry relish). 1/4 - 1/3 cup of cranberries (more or less, to your preference). 1 t vanilla extract. (I used 1/2 t. of vanilla extract and 1/2 t. of almond extract just because I had them both). Mix everything in a bowl. Heat 4 T (1/2 stick) of butter or margarine in a pan over medium heat. Place the apple mixture into the pan and cook over medium for about 10 minutes. On a jellyroll pan, place the pie crust. Spread the apple mixture on the crust, to about 2 inches of the edge. Fold the edges up and around the mixture (there will be about 3-5 inch circle in the middle). Bake in 350F for 30-40 minutes. So easy, so yummy!

Procedures, Procedures, Procedures

OK, I may be slow... but I think I've finally gotten down the key to making things run smoothly (eventually) in my multi-grade classroom.

The key, as Harry K. Wong, would remind us all: procedures.

I spent an entire first week of school practicing procedures with my students. Who sharpens the pencils, who straightens the books, how we line up, how & when we pack up at the end of the day, how we are quiet when others are talking, etc. Over and over and over. To this day (week 8), some kids STILL sit down as soon as we say the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag, even though we have said the pledge to the cross and the student bill of rights for our classroom EVERY.SINGLE.DAY of school right after the Pledge to the American flag. Is it really that hard to remember? Seriously?

So now that I've been reading (and finally watch the rest of the Harry Wong videos about Effective Teachers), I decided to put it into action. The premise is that every day all of us follow procedures -- how/when to answer a phone, how to go through security at the airport, how to wait in line at the grocery store, etc. Classrooms are no different. I loved Dr. Wong's comment that you can start the year with 5 rules and end up with 100s of rules by the end of the year because rules are tedious and must be enforced -- who has time to police students all day? Procedures are the WAY we do things. No right or wrong, no discipline just simply the WAY we do things.

When I'm interrupted for the 2nd time by students having their own conversation, I look at them and say, "I'm sorry but the procedure is for ONE person to talk at a time. I am talking now. Follow the procedure and stop talking." Likewise, even though our student bill of rights states that they each have a right to hear and be heard, they talk non-stop while others are talking. When I remind them of the classroom rights, they ignore it. When I tell them about the procedure, they pay attention. It's a slow process but other teachers are noticing a subtle change in my group.

I admit that it's more annoying when I must do the same thing with middle schoolers... but I do it. It gets results. This will probably end up at home with my toddler as well. I may not say "procedure" but I will say "We do not do this... we do it this way..." We'll see. :)

This is why I LOVE teaching...

So, I teach 4th-5th graders in the mornings from 8:30 - 10:00 a.m. and then again from 2 -3:15 p.m. This afternoon we were playing a spelling review game (Last Man Standing -- they spell 4 -6 words at a time, then they all stand up. I spell the word & they sit down if/when they get a word wrong...)

Anyway, one 4th grade boy said to me, "Could you be more pacific next time?" I decided to joke with him and say, "Yes! And then I'll be Atlantic!... and then I'll eat pasketti for supper!..."

He rolled his eyes and said, (dead serious tone), "You know, you're a real piece of work..." Hilarious. Sometimes I forget how much I love teaching. They days they litearally make me LOL.

I feel very blessed because the 6th-8th graders (especially the 7th-8th graders) are usually pretty laid back and willing to work without complaining. So I enough teaching them from 10 a.m. - 12 p.m. each day.

I have to recommend...

I have to recommend...

... iTunes Radio. Go to www.itunes.com. Install. Launch. Go to "radio" on the left hand dashboard. Go to "religious". Go to either Air-1 Radio or K-LOVE. Excellent music choices.

...www.pray-as-you-go.org. (You can also find this as a Podcast if you have iTunes). Short, 10 minute devotions from the Jesuit monks in Great Britain. Short amount of time but Very deep devotions. Love it.

...Channel 1107 on Time Warner Cable (if you have a cable box). On demand Exercise tv channel. Sadly, they no longer have Tai-Chi (which I used to love when we first got cable here) but I'm trying out Jillian Michaels' 30 day Shred1. Yeah, it's not even funny how out of shape I am but it's a good variety and it's only 20 minutes. I can push myself for 20 minutes at a time.

...a bike ride. I did not grow up as an athlete in any way, shape or form but my whole family rode bikes regularly. I have not stopped loving to ride my bike. Even if it's just a short ride around the block a few times with my daughter. For those of you with kids, this is the bike seat we have on my bike for Kate to ride in. www.weeride.com, then click on "Kangaroo Carrier". I LOVE this bike seat. I used a trailer when I was a nanny and I hated how there was always a 'drag' feeling to it. I was nervous about having her mounted behind me in a seat because it changes the center of gravity on the bike. I was nervous about having her sitting in front of me -- would I be able to see over her? What happens if I were to flip the bike? The truth is, she sits low enough that it's not a problem to see over her, she's wearing a helmet to protect her (and her feet are protected in the 'cup' things) and I love to be able to wrap my arms around her and talk to her while biking. Tonight she kept saying, "Sunshine, go night-night now. Moon, wake up! I go sleep and listen to Jesus (music)..." So great. :)

... Scentsy wickless candles. More about this later. I believe that Tina & I are going to sell this together because 1) the products are great (they had one going every day at Kathleen's old daycare in Idaho), 2) the idea of a light-bulb powered 'candle' around a toddler seems like better than having a candle(s) around the house, 3) they have plug-in (smaller) wall units, 4) I have yet to see ANYONE in Wisconsin with a Scentsy Logo on their vehicle -- so maybe we can be among the first people to sell/promote it here. (Unlike in Idaho Falls where I think 1 out of 3 cars had a Scentsy logo on it!)

... using Cash Only to pay for the majority of your everyday purchases. www.DaveRamsey.com. His books and CDs are on sale. Check them out, you'll never regret it.

... doing all my lesson plans on a Sunday night. Hopefully, less stressful throughout the week. :)

I'm too old for this

OK, I realize that most of my friends reading this are not my age (35) but please bare with me.

I've always been the type of person who would rearrange the furniture in the room or move heavy items by myself without a second thought. No problems. Few aches and/or pains, if any.

I know that as I turned 30, the aches and pains were starting to catch up with me but lately it has been ridiculous. I wonder WHAT is wrong with me. I feel like every little thing that I do, I feel it and it doesn't feel good! Even a short bike ride -- I'm feeling it.

So, of course, I don't have the common sense to NOT push myself. I moved in everything (except the couch, washer and dryer) to my apt by myself a year ago. I moved everything (except the above items) out of my apt by myself at the end of July. I moved things into Tina's duplex and then lifted all kinds of things to help load the moving truck. I have been carrying and moving around all kinds of things at school. It's like I barely have a chance to rest and then I do more and more and more.

I haven't been to the chiropractor like I should. I was going once/month and that helped. I like my chiro here but she's always in demand and seems like she can't be inconvenienced to see me on a regular basis (actual quote, "Well, just make an appointment whenever you feel that you need to; I don't think I need to see you on a regular basis."). Yeah. My chiro in Idaho was great and he booked me every month to make sure that I didn't go too long and just 'live with' tension in my neck/shoulders.

I have not been sleeping well -- but what else is new. I have utterly forgotten how EXHAUSTING it is to teach a multi-grade classroom. SNAP! Teaching full time is hard enough. Having time to prepare all summer long is hard enough. But to do it with barely a week in town to prepare -- I'm worn out and feel like I'm running to stand still.

K is still doing great at daycare. She never cried when daddy dropped her off. She gets a little pouty with me but is getting better about going into the room without any drama. She didn't want to leave today (they were playing outside). Good sign.

Todd is still insanely busy at work. Or just insane. It's good to keep him busy or he will drive me CRAZY because he's bored and doesn't know what to do at work all day. No problems like that lately -- I'm so thankful for that.

I'm thankful for the 4th-8th graders at Celebration. They are a SUPER group of kids and seem to get my quirky sense of humor and enjoy being in my class. It's exhausting but I know it's worth it, too.

Night all!

"It's not enough to say"

This is from a post that my friend, Audrey Duensing-Werner (a DCE in Kansas that I worked with at Cross View in MN) posted on Facebook:

"It is not enough for us to say: "I love God," but I also have to love my neighbor. St. John says that you are a liar if you say you love God and you don't love your neighbor. How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so it is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. I must be willing to give whatever it takes not to harm other people and, in fact, to do good to them. This requires that I be willing to give until it hurts. Otherwise, there is not true love in me and I bring injustice, not peace, to those around me." Mother Theresa

Here is my reply and honest insight. I think this was a very timely post by Audrey as I struggle to love those around me who seem to serve, at this time anyway, to be nothing but a 'speedbump' on the road to change here.

"It's easy to "love your neighbor" -- at least the ones that you like and see eye-to-eye with; the true challenge is to work on loving the ones that you don't like, that are rude or disrespectful or disagreeable...(Did I just sum up jr and sr high youth group??)

Somehow if we assume that they are not a Christian then it gives a "good reason" to them for being that way -- they don't "know" better... but the biggest challenge is to love the neighbor that you know confesses to be a Christian and yet is so difficult to LIKE.

And when we fail, as we always do, we rest is grace alone. And we pray for another chance tomorrow to try and be Christ-like in our love for that person."

The truth hurts

One of the hardest parts of my job is doing evaluations. Not that I can't find the good (and the bad) in each staff person at my school. They just have rarely had evaluations done in the past. The former principal was there for a year or more before doing evaluations. At that point, they were done every 3 or 4 years, I think and so the staff isn't used to being critiqued and told what they're doing well and what they need to change.

I always hated being evaluated, I'll admit it. Many times my evaluations were fine but sometimes they were so nit-picky that I thought, "Am I doing ANYTHING right?" I didn't want to just tell the staff that everything is sunshine-and-roses but I didn't want to nit-pick every single thing, either.

I tried to find a good balance of things that they're doing well and also some of the things that they need to change. I always think it's best to set some goals of new things that you want to do next year and things that you'd like to change. The problem is, the truth hurts. Sometimes people are so used to making their own decisions and doing their own thing that when we tell them they need to make changes, they get angry and resentful. I already was on the receiving end of that earlier this week. It hurt my feelings to have someone lash out at me for being (brutally) honest and doing my job. In the end, that person will not be returning so none of the suggestions and changes for next year mean anything at this point.

At what point do you decide to stop being honest, especially if it's brutal, to just crush someone's ego a little less?

I feel like I had to compromise my professional ethics in some way to give a rosier-than-realistic picture so that they can leave on happy terms.

I know that ministry is not like life in the 'real world' of business management. Even so, it doesn't make it any easier when someone who should be a brother or sister in Christ acts decidedly un-Christlike.

I am hoping and praying that our enrollment numbers are enough for me to come back to work here next year. We need the chance to chart a new course, with a smaller staff, and really repair years of decline and neglect (in terms of administrative duties) at the school. I know that God can and DOES do amazing miracles every.single.day so I keep that in my heart.

I was in a mild panic to think that our numbers for re-enrollment were so much below last year's enrollment numbers... but then I received a comparison and we're only about 7 students short at this point. It seems like a lot now but it gives me renewed hope that we can get to that level and, I pray, about 10 more so that there is no question that we can afford to open the doors to the school next year.

I invite anyone who is reading this to pray for Hope Lutheran school. We need a miracle and I know only one place to get it -- from God above!

Some answers...

I went to my doctor on Wednesday because on Good Friday I had done an "insulin resistance test" (similar to what most pregnant women have to do to make sure you don't have gestational diabetes). My results came back normal for fasting, 30 mins, 60 mins and 90 mins. Then my insulin really spiked at 120 mins. So what does that mean? I'm not diabetic and not even 'pre-diabetic'. I'm considered insulin resistant, stage 1, so if nothing changed in the next 3-5 years, I could become diabetic. Fortunately, there is medication that I can start and this is considered 'reversible'. My dr believes that I'm genetically predisposed to this (my dad is diabetic) and that I have something called Metabolic Syndrome or Syndrome X (high blood pressure, high cholesterol and insulin resistance) of which all of it is reversible with medication, exercise (which I'd started doing more of) and adding more protein to my diet. He also suggested anti-anxiety medication because I've been so busy with school/work and taking care of my daughter by myself while we still wait for our house in WI to sell so Todd can join us out here. My mind has been going non-stop and it's been difficult for me to sleep at night. Little sleep + busy toddler + stressful job = lots of anxiety and little energy. So far the medication has helped me fall asleep faster and sleep better. Not a sleeping pill, just something that relaxes me and helps me feel more calm. Excellent! I haven't started the medication for insulin resistance yet but I have started more protein to my diet and it really seems to be helping. :)

I just want to encourage everyone who has questions or concerns about their energy levels, sleeping, eating to see their dr. Talk to him/her about it regularly. I tried to tell my dr in Wisconsin that I was exhausted, that I didn't sleep well, etc. He knew I had problems with my blood pressure and cholesterol, knew I had a high stress job and a child but never suggested the insulin test or put me on medication for anxiety. So after a year or so of really feeling like something was wrong and needing some options (I did a plan to change my diet and increase my energy and ability to workout in October but with mixed results). So I'm hoping that I can make some life-long changes one step at a time and these will have lasting results. I'm very encouraged with having some answers and some options with medication to help with the changes.

Pray-As-You-Go

At our Administrators' Conference in Portland OR last week, Dick Weniger used mp3 devotions from www.pray-as-you-go.org for our morning devotions. Awesome. Very powerful stuff. They open with bells ringing, then some type of music (chanting, singing, African music -- you just never know), then a Bible verse/story, then a meditation, then quiet time for reflection, then a re-reading of the verses, then more quiet time and then a Gloria Patri. I can't wait to use this with my own staff. It's more moving than just about any other devotion that I've used in recent memory. Hope others will check it out. You can download it to your iPod or other mp3 player, or just to your computer. It's from a Jesuit group in England (so there are the great accents and everything) and I truly look forward to listening to them every morning. :)

The blog/FB connection

So, apparently on my settings, whatever I type in my blog will appear as a 'note' on Facebook. Too cool. Or I could just post on Facebook because I'm way better at doing that than remembering to update my blog. Oh well.